MITZI MATTERS BEST LINES


Best Lines of the Day

December 30, 2003

Mitzi:: I don't know. You just said -- somebody said that Rose is -- no, it can't be true. Tell me it's not true! Jack: Take it easy, all right?
Mitzi:: Oh, my God -- I can't believe it! How? What happened to her?
Mitzi:: I just found out my best friend is dead, and you're accusing me of acting? Carly: Yeah, and you're not doing a very good job of it, either, I might add.
Mitzi:: How did this happen? I told you, I just saw her. Jack: It was Lily you saw.
Mitzi:: Lily? Jack: She was missing. We got a lead from one of her credit cards that she used in Atlantic City. Holden went to go check up on it, and we were right. It was Lily.
Mitzi:: But she was -- her hair, her clothes, everything, she was just like Rose. I don't understand. How can my Rosie be dead? Carly: That's what we want you to tell us. We have proof that you were back in Oakdale on the day of Rose's wedding, and it's only a matter of time before we have the proof that you were the one who poisoned her.
Mitzi:: She was poisoned? Carly: As if you didn't know that.
Mitzi:: I didn't do it, okay? I loved Rose like a sister. Carly: Even though she was threatening to have you put in prison for the next ten years for embezzling from the beauty shop? Jack: Carly, enough.
Mitzi:: Rose forgave me, okay? Lily told me so. You can ask her. Just ask Lily.
Mitzi:: Do you think I'm a heartless killer, Jack? Jack: It doesn't matter what I think. Where can we find you?
Mitzi:: Gee, I don't know. That sheriff yanked me out of that bar in A.C. And dumped me here. I don't have any clothes, any money, any friends -- why don't you check the nearest park bench? Jack: You know the wagon wheel? On 55?
Mitzi:: I've heard of it. Jack: Okay. Here. It's enough money to stay at a room.
Mitzi:: Thanks, Jack. You've always been so good to me. You and Rose were my only real friends here, you know that?

December 29, 2003

Mitzi:: Hey, is Louie around? I need my paycheck. Bartender: He left his checks with me.
Mitzi:: Great. [Someone screams] Keep it down.
Mitzi:: Oh, my God. Bartender: Somethin' wrong?
Mitzi:: No, no, no. I just remembered something. I gotta go. Lily: Hey, hey, hey. Look at you. You look like you lost your best friend.
Mitzi:: How can you even joke, Rose? Are we still best friends? After what I did? Lily: I forgive you. We've been through too much.
Mitzi:: I always said you had the biggest heart around, Rose. So, um -- how long you staying in AC for? Lily: Forever! Because this is where I belong. The showgirl-by-the-sea!
Mitzi:: Are you serious? You're not goin' back to Oakdale? Lily: I don't wanna talk about Oakdale. Okay?
Mitzi:: Okay. Ah, where are you stayin'? Lily: I don't know. I gotta find a room.
Mitzi:: You know what, don't worry about it. You can stay with me. Lily: Okay.
Mitzi:: See, plenty of room. And there's a little coffeemaker in the bathroom, and free continental breakfast every day. Lily: Like old times, right?
Mitzi:: Sure, Rose. If you're sure. I mean, you were so mad at me the last time I saw you. Lily: You know, life is too short to hold grudges. If I were to drop dead, tomorrow, I would not want you think that I went to my grave hating you. Look at that. That's cute. Where do I get me one of these?
Mitzi:: Well, you bought me that. Five years ago, on the pier, remember? Lily: Oh, must've slipped my mind, I'm a little -- yeah, it's coming back to me now.
Mitzi:: You know? Why don't I change and go out, take in the sights?
Mitzi:: Sorry, Rose, but I gotta figure this out. And the only way I can do that is to shut you up. [Getting a bottle of pills.] Lily:
Mitzi:!
Mitzi:: Coming. Lily: Come on. Let's go. Let's go dancing. Come on.
Mitzi:: You know, I was just thinking -- Lily: No thinking, just dancing. Thinking later. Go ahead. Come on, come on, come on! Hurry up!
Mitzi:: Sorry, Rose, but your dancing days are over.
Mitzi:: Hey! Looks like you're working up quite a thirst there. Just one second. You know, I spent six bucks on that drink, so drink up, every drop. [
Mitzi: added pills to Lily’s drink.] Lily: How's that?
Mitzi:: Perfect.
Mitzi:: Hey. You feeling okay? Lily: Great! Great. Where's that guy? Oh, there he is! Hot guy! Hi, hot guy! I'll be right -- oh, I got to go.
Mitzi:: Rose? She's dancing. She shouldn't even be standing. What is up with you, Rose d'angelo?
Mitzi:: Rose is playing some game. That much I know. But what is it? Lily: Incoming! I love it here! I love it. How could I have ever left it, it's so -- it's so not beige. I'm finished with Oakdale, finished.
Mitzi:: Are you finished with, Lily, too? Lily: Especially Lily. Just talk about how she loves being my sister. But all she wants to do is change me. She tried to kill me, on the inside. She even tried to buy me off.
Mitzi:: She helped you turn your life around. Lily: My life did not need turning around! At all. Hey -- don't look now, but there's some really hot guy checking you out. So I'm gonna skedaddle. And you do you thing. Work it! Work it!
Mitzi:: Just what I don't need. Sheriff Dolton: Excuse me, ma'am.
Mitzi:: Not interested. Sheriff Dolton: The state of Illinois is interested, Miss Matters. Mitch Dolton, sheriff's department. I have to escort you back to Oakdale for questioning.
Mitzi:: No. She said everything was okay. Sheriff Dolton: You can come with me, or I can cuff you.
Mitzi:: She set me up. My best friend set me up.

December 8, 2003

Mitzi::
Mitzi:: Yes. Without the numbers, they don't have a case. And I'm in the clear.

December 5, 2003

Mitzi:: Where are those books, rose? I know you kept the originals. You had copies to the bank, I'll bet. Yes! Without the numbers, they don't have a case. And I'm in the clear.

November 26, 2003

Mitzi:: Ms. Walsh, thank God. I've been runnin' all over town. Lucinda: Hey, honey. What are you -- why aren't you at the wedding rehearsal?
Mitzi:: It's okay. Rose understands. I've gotta catch a flight to Atlantic City. Lucinda: Why?
Mitzi:: Because I got a sick friend, and I need to borrow $500. I'll pay you back. Lucinda: Darling, what about the wedding?
Mitzi:: It's okay. Like, forget the wedding, okay? Look, they canceled my ticket. I gotta get out of town. My friend is really sick. She's in the hospital. She might not make it. I -- I gotta get there before it's too late. Lucinda: Okay, okay, okay. As a matter of fact, you know, I mean -- I can. I mean, I happen to be able to. I -- if it's an emergency. There. There you go, darling.
Mitzi:: Thank you. You're a lifesaver. Lucinda: It's a loan, honey. It's a loan.
Mitzi:: You got it! Lucinda: Right.
Mitzi:: Bye.

November 25, 2003

Mitzi:: What are these? Rose: Those are all the records of the cash that went in and out of my shop. Interestingly enough, they don't add up!
Mitzi:: Maybe your math is off. Rose: Oh, or maybe my best friend was stealing from me. You're a thief,
Mitzi:! You're a lying thief. And as soon as I walk out that door, the whole town is gonna know exactly what you are.
Mitzi:: Then, I'm sorry. Rose, but you're not going anywhere.
Mitzi:: You're not going anywhere until you hear why I did it. Rose: I don't care why you did it,
Mitzi:. You did it!
Mitzi:: I'm sorry, Rose. Rose: No, i'm sorry. I'm sorry that you used our friendship and you treated it like garbage.
Mitzi:: It wasn't my fault, okay?! It was yours! Rose: Oh! It was my fault? I can't wait to hear this! It was my fault! You committed a crime. Let me hear it!
Mitzi:: I begged you! I begged you to let me have the shop, okay, 'cause it's not like you're ever gonna need a paycheck ever again. But you said you were gonna sell it. So I figured if I could make some quick cash, I could buy it. Rose: Did you go to -- a loan shark?
Mitzi:: No, a bookie. This guy, Waldo, he gave me a tip on a horse -- Rose: How long did you work in Atlantic City,
Mitzi:?
Mitzi:: It was a sure thing, Rose. Okay? And the horse paid out. Waldo gave me a few more tips and every time, the horse won. Then he gives me a tip on a long shot, guaranteed to come in. I figured if I could place a big enough bet, even you wouldn't be able to turn me down. Rose: Hmm.
Mitzi:: So I placed the bet. Rose: Let me guess -- the horse didn't win.
Mitzi:: Didn't even place. Rose: And then Waldo wants his cash and you're dippin' into my cash.
Mitzi:: It was only supposed to be short-term, all right? Rose: Uh-huh.
Mitzi:: Until I got back on my winning streak, but I didn't. And I kept owing more and more money. Rose: Of course. Of course.
Mitzi:: So I skimmed the deposit bags before I took 'em to the bank. Rose: And this is my fault?
Mitzi:: You were so selfish about the shop. Rose: "Selfish" -- you keep using that word "selfish." It's selfish for me to want to marry the man that I love?!
Mitzi:: Look, I'm sorry, Rose. I am, but listen, you're not gonna go to the cops over this? After all we've been through, okay? It's just money. Rose: Don't you dare stand there and say that this is about money. This is about us and how much you hate me.
Mitzi:: I don't hate you, Rose, I swear. I just wanted a piece of the dream that you wouldn't share. Rose: Stop blaming me for what happened!
Mitzi:: You owed me. Rose: I owe you nothing -- nothing but loyalty and friendship. And I always gave you both. I gave you a place to live, I gave you a job, my friends were your friends -- what do you do? You spit in my face. You think I didn't give you enough? Wait till you see your world without me in it!
Mitzi:: What, are you sayin' you're never gonna forgive me? After all the people who have forgiven you? I mean, you slept with Dusty and Paul’s still gonna marry you. Rose: Oh, thanks for bringing up.
Mitzi:: Why don't you just be a little generous here? Rose: I'll be a little generous. I'm gonna wait until after the wedding to tell Tom Hughes exactly what you did.
Mitzi:: You can't go to the district attorney and tell him, or I'm dead, okay? They're gonna lock me up and throw away the key! Rose: Ohh, well, then I hope you really stole a lot of money from me to get a really good attorney. [Door slams]
Mitzi:: I can't go to jail, Rose! I won't!

November 24, 2003

Mitzi:: Come on -- how long is this gonna take? I got to get outta here. Jack? What are you doing here? Jack: Looking for you. I know what you did,
Mitzi:. Get your things together. We're going downtown.
Mitzi:: You're gonna arrest me? Jack: I gotcha, didn't I? Come on,
Mitzi:, did you really think the hotel wasn't gonna call the bank to verify the check?
Mitzi:: That's what this is about? The check they're cashing for me at the front desk? Jack: Yeah. You wrote it against an account you closed yesterday.
Mitzi:: I didn't realize. Jack:
Mitzi:. Maybe it occurs more often than it used to, but passing bad checks is still a crime. You're just lucky it was me that answered the call and not some uniform or you really would be heading down to the station.
Mitzi:: I'm so sorry, Jack. I knew it was wrong. And I was gonna make good on it. I swear. Jack: Why'd you do it?
Mitzi:: I was desperate. I didn't have the cash for a plane ticket to A.C. I asked everybody. You never called me back. Jack: Wait a minute. You're going back to Atlantic City? Why? You in trouble?
Mitzi:: No. Well, I mean yes -- I mean sorta. Jack: Wait a minute -- does this have anything to do with that friend you told me that hit a run-in with the law?
Mitzi:: No, Jack! I was really asking those questions for a friend, I swear. Jack: Okay, then why the rush to get out of town? My gut says you're runnin' away.
Mitzi:: I am. I'm runnin' away from Rose. Jack: Come on, Rose is your best friend. She's gettin' married in a couple of days. Stick around so you can throw some rice, tie some tin cans to her car, come on.
Mitzi:: Rose and I had a fight. Big time. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I'm happy for her. I really am. She finally found somebody who loves her like she deserves. It's just -- I can't stay. And I don't have any money to leave! And I don't have any way to get any, and I don't have any friends in sight, so -- you might as well arrest me because at least then I'd have someplace to sleep tonight. Jack: All right, calm down, calm down. I'll take care of it, okay?
Mitzi:: How? Jack: I'll take care of this check thing with the hotel. Just don't do anything like this again.
Mitzi:: I won’t. I promise. What I wouldn't give for a place to crash for the night. Jack: Listen, I'll call the airport, and I'll get you a ticket for the first flight to Atlantic City. And I'll arrange it so you can crash here for the night. How's that?
Mitzi:: You'd do that for me? Jack: Consider it payback. I seem to remember a time when you found me all tied up and you got a conk on the head as a result.
Mitzi:: Thank you, Jack. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jack: Okay, all right. Okay, all right. You're welcome. You're welcome.
Mitzi:: You're the best. And I swear, I am gonna pay you back, okay? Every cent. As soon as I get on my feet, I'm sending you a check. A money order. I'll send a money order. Jack: You're not coming back, are ya?
Mitzi:: Nope. My life in Oakdale is over.

November 21, 2003

Mitzi:: The first I knew about that car getting trashed was two minutes ago when I came in here. And if you don't believe that, Rose, then we have a serious problem. Rose: Hey, well, okay. I hate to tell you, but we got a serious problem already. I don't even know you anymore,
Mitzi:.
Mitzi:: Funny, I feel the same about you. Rose: Okay, I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. I never should have suggested that maybe you knew something about what happened to the car. I apologize.
Mitzi:: Thank you. Rose: But you gotta admit, I mean, this is not coming out of nowhere. All right? For a little while now, you look like -- look at you in the face. Like you did something bad.
Mitzi:: Well, I can think of one bad thing I did. Coming back here to talk to you. Rose: Oh, that's not -- Paul: Hold on a second, everybody just relax. I think we're just all a little on edge.
Mitzi:: Yeah, why don't you talk to your fiancée about that, okay? I'm gonna go to my room and pretend this conversation never happened.

November 18, 2003

Mitzi:: Rose, I just saw your car outside. What happened? Rose: I guess I'm not as popular as I used to be. What happened to you last night? You get abducted by aliens again?
Mitzi:: No, I spent the night at the Roller Palace. I just needed some time alone. Rose: To do what?
Mitzi:: Personal stuff. Ya mind? Paul: A little. You could've called. Rose was really worried.
Mitzi:: What are you both ganging up on me now? Paul: Mm-mm. Just asking you a few questions, that's all.
Mitzi:: You two think I had something to do with trashing that car out there? Well, go ahead. Why don't you just say it?

November 17, 2003
Lily:
Mitzi:? Everything okay?
Mitzi:: Yeah. I was in la-la land. Lily: Something wrong?
Mitzi:: No, no. Why -- why would anything be wrong? Lily: You've just been very quiet.
Mitzi:: Well, it's Rose's day. Lily: Yes, it is, and you've barely said two words to her.
Mitzi:: I know. There's not much left to say. Lily: You're still upset about her selling the shop?
Mitzi:: Well, she's got to do what she's got to do. Lily: Rose, she said that she was gonna help you start your own.
Mitzi:: You know, I may be broke, Lil, but I've got my pride. Lily: What difference does it make if you open your own shop or run the Roller Palace?
Mitzi:: It's a big difference, okay? I helped build the Roller Palace. It wouldn't have been just a handout. Lily: Okay. Well, maybe you should talk to Rose. Maybe you could still work something out.
Mitzi:: Thanks, Lil, but it's too late. So what's going on with the shop? Buyout a done deal? Lily: Well, they want to close as soon as they audit the books.
Mitzi:: Oh, yeah, right. Rose told me about that audit thing. Why did they have to do that again? Lily: Just to make sure that the expenses don't outweigh the revenues. And they're using my accountant. He's excellent.
Mitzi:: Nothing but the best for Rose. Um, it's been nice chatting, but I've got to go. Lily: Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. You can't leave yet. We haven't even cut the cake. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought up the shop. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
Mitzi:: No, no. Why would the shop upset me? Um, why are we standing around here? You know, I need more punch. You want some? Rose: Hey, you practicing being a statue?
Mitzi:: I'm just not in a party mood. Rose: No kidding. Come on, you know, I don't want to keep havin' the same fight with you over and over again. Whatever it is,
Mitzi:, come on. We'll just deal with it -- right now. I mean, I'm not so into me that I want you to be miserable. Come on?
Mitzi:: I'm here, aren't I? Rose: You know, maybe we should pretend we're back in Atlantic City, you know, sitting on my stoop talking and forgetting about all this wedding madness?
Mitzi:: We're not in Jersey, Rose. I mean, no amount of pretending is gonna change things. Rose: What things?
Mitzi:: Just go back to your new friends. Rose: Ah, now don't start that. They're my friends, but you're my oldest and dearest friend.
Mitzi:: Sometimes I wish we'd never left Atlantic City, you know? So we were broke, so we had to live with three other girls. So what? We were happy. Rose:
Mitzi:, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. And I want you to be happy, too.
Mitzi:: How, Rose? By standin' around throwin' rice at you while you go off for good? Have a nice shower, okay? Have a nice life. Send me a postcard from France. I gotta go. Rose: We're not done talkin' here.
Mitzi:: Yes, we are. I always thought I'd be the one to catch your bouquet, now I feel like I have to stand in line for it.
Mitzi:: I just came back to say I'm sorry for being such a party pooper. Rose: It's okay. it's okay.
Mitzi:: No, it's not. We never walked away from each other before. You know, we always stayed and fought it out no matter what. Rose: Exactly. I just want my best friend back, that's all.
Mitzi:: Me, too. That's why I gotta tell you what's really goin' on.

November 11, 2003

Mitzi:: I'm not, gosh. What's gotten into you? Rose: I just got a really creepy phone call with this person with this robot voice told me to watch my back -- or else.
Mitzi:: You're surprised? Rose: Excuse me?
Mitzi:: Well, you've been making a lot of enemies lately, Rose. Rose: Hello? Did you hear what I just said? I was threatened!
Mitzi:: Yeah. Probably finally ticked off the wrong person. Rose: Thank you so much for your concern,
Mitzi:!
Mitzi:: Would you calm down. It's probably Barbara Ryan. She was here earlier. She's probably playing with your head. Rose: Are you sure it was Barbara Ryan? Maybe it was somebody else.
Mitzi:: What are you looking at me like that for? Rose: I want to see your cell phone. I want to see the last number you dialed.
Mitzi:: You can't be serious. Rose: Oh, I am completely serious. Was it you? You the one threatening me, huh?
Mitzi:: I can't believe you. I can't believe you think I would make a creepy phone call like that. Rose: I don't want to think that, but the way you've been acting lately,
Mitzi:, I don't even know who you are anymore.
Mitzi:: I'm still the same person I’ve always been. You're the one who's changed! Rose: Me? I'm just trying to live my life!
Mitzi:: Your life. You know, we used to look out for each other, Rose. Rose: Yeah.
Mitzi:: What was mine was yours, what was yours was mine. Now you're about to go off and get married to a guy who could open his own bank, and you won't even sell me the shop at a discount or on time? I mean, give -- cut me some slack here, Rose. Rose: It's too late. The shop has already been sold.
Mitzi:: What? Rose: I was going to tell you, I was, but --
Mitzi:: I know you were looking for a buyer, but is the deal final? Rose: Well, we haven't closed yet, but --
Mitzi:: Well then, you can tell then that you found a better deal -- Rose: No, I can't do it. I'm sorry. Because I don't want you or anybody else connected to that shop anymore. I'm sorry.
Mitzi:: It's got bad memories -- for you. Rose: Ah --
Mitzi:: Well, excuse me for thinking about myself for two minutes. Rose: You don't understand. You don't get it.
Mitzi:: Oh, I understand. I understand better than I ever have before. You're selfish. I never saw it before, but it's always about you! Rose: You know what; I am not going to argue with you, because I am selfish. I broke the heart of a wonderful man, and I'm trying to fix it. I don't meant to hurt you, but I'm doing the best that I can.
Mitzi:: Well, your best isn't so good anymore. Rose: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way,
Mitzi:.
Mitzi:: Yeah? You're sorry? Then don't do this. Don't put our friendship on the line for the salon, okay? Let me have it. Rose: I can't. I'm sorry, I just -- I just want to marry Paul and move out of this place. Get away.
Mitzi:: Then go. Just get on that plane and do us all a favor -- don't come back.

November 10, 2003

Mitzi:: The broad never quits, does she? Rose: Yeah. Now she knows I never quit, either.
Mitzi:: Ain't that the truth? Rose: What was that supposed to mean? You got something on your mind, huh?
Mitzi:: It's just that, you know, coming between a guy and his family -- it's a big deal, Rose. And you just seem like you don't care. Rose: I care. But that family -- I mean, me coming between them may not be such a bad thing.
Mitzi:: Right. Rose: Paul and I, I mean -- he's my family now. And he's all the family that matters. And we're so close. He trusts me, and I trust him.
Mitzi:: Then that's what counts, right? Rose: Yeah.
Mitzi:: I'm gonna go get some highlights in this mop of mine. You're gonna be okay out here alone? Rose: Why wouldn't I be?
Mitzi:: It was kinda creepy with Barbara showing up like that. Don't you think? Rose: Oh. Oh, don't worry about me. Right now, I feel pretty invincible.
Mitzi:: Nobody's invincible, Rose.

November 7, 2003
Mitzi: (to herself): This is the last time, the very last time. I gotta make a living. Even if rose doesn't think so.

Mitzi:: Your wife wants to wear a wig, a scarf and some sunglasses to your baby's christening?
Craig: Yes.
Mitzi:: What is she, jackie "o"?
Craig: Look,
Mitzi:, give me whatever you got, okay?
Mitzi:: I never could resist a man who's willing to beg.
Mitzi: (to herself): I should take every nickel this time. Better put some back. Rose might come back to check. I never wanted to steal from you, but you didn't give me a choice.

November 6, 2003
Mitzi:: No. Go ahead. Why hold back?
Rose: All right, the idea of you running this place -- it's a little crazy, don't you think, mitz? I mean, you got no business experience, and if something goes wrong here it's my name and my reputation. I can't take that chance.
Mitzi:: Good. I'm glad to finally know what you really think of me, rose. Thanks.

October 27, 2003
Mitzi: Don't shoot! I work here!
Jack: Mitzi?
Mitzi: It's a heck of a way to greet an old friend, Jack Snyder. Oh, my gosh. You scared the living daylights outta me. You know, it's a good thing you're my favorite cop, 'cause I could have you arrested for something. I don't know -- scaring a hairdresser have to death.

October 21, 2003
Mitzi: Oh, yeah, we're completely crazed around here. Rose: I didn't say we were crazed. I said things are crazed, and they are.

October 15, 2003
Mitzi: Don't you think you should think this through just a little bit?
Rose: I been thinking' so much lately, Mitz, my head's gonna explode. No, I am moving' to Paris , to marry Paul. I can't take the shop with me.
Mitzi: But you don't just walk away from a dream, Rose. I mean -- look, do a sublet or something, okay? Don't just give it up.

October 1, 2003
Mitzi (on Rose's dress for the Metro opening): You'll melt the wallpaper. I just wish I could be there to see you walk in.


September 30, 2003
Paul: Hello. How's my favorite redhead?
Mitzi: You have a redheaded sister and a redheaded brother, so don't give me that. And, uh, rosie isn't here.

September 22, 2003
Rose: Mitz. I can tell you anything, right? And you're not gonna think that i'm crazy.
Mitzi: Well, I know you're crazy. What?

Rose: Hey, thanks for listening. I mean, kissing paul kinda threw me for awhile. But now I've got my head on straight.
Mitzi: You sure that's where it is?

September 18, 2003
Rose: Nothing. Because it never happened. She's been throwing herself at him ever since she came back to town.
Mitzi: Oh, yeah? Well, she's throwing, and he's catching. Are you sure that --

September 3, 2003
Mitzi: Right this way, gents. We got to keep you under wraps until the auction begins. Okay, now listen, if you get stage fright, just remember, you're doin' this for a really good cause.

Mitzi: Hey!
Chris: Yeah?
Mitzi: We're about to start. You know? Gotta hide the merchandise. That's you. Get a move on.

Rose: Just a minute. I gotta talk to dusty.
Mitzi: Okay. I don't know if you noticed this -- we got a room full of ladies, okay? They all have hair and nails. Therefore, they're potential customers. But you gotta pay them a little bit of attention.

September 2, 2003
Mitzi: Rose! Finally! All right, your sister is about to blow a gasket!

Mitzi: Well, hello, Dr. Hero.[ Chris laughs ] We are so lucky you came. And look at you. I mean, I might have to bid on you myself.
Chris: Yes, well, you just keep reminding me that it's for a good cause. Mitzi: The best -- fighting breast cancer. Then, you know all about that, working at the hospital.

August 29, 2003
Mitzi (to Connie the model): Oh, a model. What a surprise. It's a real shame about your looks.

August 28, 2003
Rose: It was nothing. That little broad came into Java Underground, started flirting with Dusty, Paul found out about it, and he got a little upset.
Mitzi: Who won? How many rounds?
Rose: I didn't say any punches were thrown, Mitz.
Mitzi: You don't have to. I mean, you put the two of them in a room, it's bound to happen, right? Especially if Paul feels like his little sister's getting hit on.
Rose: No, no, you got it all wrong. No, Jennifer was the one comin' on to Dusty, not vice-versa.
Mitzi: Yeah, well, it's just a matter of time. I mean, you know what they say -- once a player, always a player.

Mitzi: They said the line for autographs starts here? Dr. Hughes, I presume?
Chris: Yes, that's me.
Mitzi: Well, this picture does not do you justice, believe you me. I'm Mitzi.
Chris: Hi, nice to meet you.
Mitzi: And you must be Dr. -- Daniels.
Walker: And you know that how?
Mitzi: Well, it's my mission in life to get to know just about every single guy in town. Not like that. Naughty! Let me start over. I am here on behalf of Lily Snyder and the benefit to fight breast cancer. We're having an auction tonight, and we hope you can participate. [Pager beeping.]
Walker: Oh, that would be me. Yeah, that -- sure. I'll be there -- what time should I be there?
Mitzi: 8:00. And wear a tux. (Walker gets in the elevator)
Walker: 8:00. Tux. What are we auctioning?
Mitzi: Uh, you! [Mitzi sighs.]
Mitzi: And the local hero says?
Chris: You're auctioning us off?
Mitzi: For charity. I don't see a ring.
Chris: Yeah, well, I'm kind of dating someone.
Mitzi: Oh, congratulations. She got you on a short leash or something?
Chris: No.
Mitzi: 'Cause the way I figure it, you could be tonight's hottest bachelor, right? The women'll be dying to have a night with a guy like you.
Chris: Well, I --
Mitzi: Come on. Just do it. Come on! Do it for Lily. Do it for a great cause. Just do it.
Chris: Okay, fine.
Mitzi: Yay!
Chris: I'm yours. Auction me off.
Mitzi: Whoo!

Lily: How'd it go?
Mitzi: Great. I rounded up every eligible bachelor over the age of 18.

June 10, 2003
Mitzi: She's a knockout. Hey, kids. We have got some peanut butter cookies in that jar over there. Just in case anybody's interested.
Luke: No, thanks. But Faith loves peanut butter. It's her favorite.
Mitzi: Well, then knock yourself out, honey bun. I'm gonna get one, too.

June 5, 2003
Lily: Hi, Mitzi. Is my sister here?
Mitzi: Nobody here but us chickens.

Lily: Yeah. She was closing up shop. She had one last customer. But dusty came back to make sure no more damage was done.
Mitzi: Well, isn't that a big, fat co-inky-dink? He's there at the right place at the right time to save the day?
Lily: Of course. Yeah, I thought the same thing. I got my head bitten off suggesting it.
Mitzi: So, we're just supposed to stand by and watch rose get hurt?
Lily: That's what my mother thinks. I told Rose -- I said, I was very concerned about Dusty, that he was dangerous. And she basically told me that if she had to choose between having Dusty in her life or me, she would choose Dusty.
Mitzi: Aw, you know Rose. I mean, she just gets hot under the collar, says things she doesn't mean.
Lily: No, she meant it. So i've decided that i'm just gonna keep my own thoughts about Dusty. Where he's concerned, forget it.
Mitzi: You think what you gotta think. But I know what I know.

June 3, 2003
Dusty: Hold on. Don't hang up. If you hang up, I'm just gonna keep calling back until I talk to her.
Mitzi: Well, you do that, smart guy, okay? And you can call and call and call, 'cause you know what's gonna happen? Nobody's gonna answer, 'cause there's nobody here. Some people have to work for a living.

Nancy: Oh, it's going beautifully. Mitzi is a delightful conversationalist.
Mitzi: I was telling her all about being a hostess at the casino.

June 2, 2003
Mitzi: I followed the signs that said save 30%. I saved so much money I think I might've gone broke.

May 12, 2003
Mitzi was shown at the opening of Rosie's Roller Palace but had no lines.

May 9, 2003
Rose: Hello! Thank you, all of you, for stayin' around.
Mitzi: Hey, where else would we be? We're here for you.

May 6, 2003
Rose: You had a conversation with Paul? What was weird about it?
Mitzi: Well, I ran into him, and he was asking about you and Dusty. I'm not exactly sure what he was after, but it seemed like he was trying to figure out if there was anything between you and Dusty besides business. And judging from the way that you're acting, I would say it seems like monkey business.

Mitzi (to Rose): Listen, you listen up before I have to slap some sense into you, okay? Listen, remember when we were in Atlantic City, we always used to date the wild guys, right? The guys who lived on the edge? Every minute pure excitement? But you know what? They played with fire, and we were the ones that got burned. And they got a real short attention span, Rose.

May 5, 2003
Mitzi: Hey, where's your honey?
Paul: She's meeting me. She should be here by now.
Mitzi: Rosie'll be late for her own funeral. Hey. You okay?
Paul: Yeah. I'm fine.
Mitzi: 'Cause it's none of my beeswax, but you look like somebody just canceled your season tickets to the cubs.
Paul: Hey, mitzi, can i ask you something?
Mitzi: Sure. Shoot.
Paul: How does rose feel about Dusty Donovan?
Mitzi: She feels like he's the reason the checks aren't bouncin' at the roller palace.

Mitzi: I'm gonna need somethin' stronger than coffee if you're gonna ask me to dish on rose.
Paul: I'm not asking you to dish.
Mitzi: Any way you cut the danish --
Paul: I'm just curious. I know how close you guys are.
Mitzi: Close enough to know that you're the best thing that's ever happened to her since her curling iron. You're not -- I mean, I don't wanna say the word "jealous," but you don't think that there could possibly be anything between Dusty and Rose?
Paul: I know Rose loves me.
Mitzi: Yeah, like crazy. So don't go gettin' funny ideas.
Paul: This is about Dusty, not Rose. I found out something about him. I gotta tell her, and it's not gonna be easy.
Mitzi: Rose can take her lumps. What's the dirt on dusty?
Paul: I can't get into it, mitzi. But he's not who she thinks he is.
Mitzi: Yeah, sounds like one of my ex-boyfriends. I could have told ya that jerk was no boy scout.
Paul: You don't like him?
Mitzi: Nope. It's those squinty eyes. I don't trust those eyes. You got mud to sling, sling away. Just promise me that you will hit Dusty right where it counts -- in the ego. I gotta go. I got a date with Mr. Wrong.
Paul: Why go?
Mitzi: He's springin' for the movie. Listen, when you're done givin' Rose the lowdown on Dusty, why don't you tell her she's the luckiest gal i know, okay? You, my friend, beat hittin' the lotto jackpot any day.

April 2, 2003
Rose: Paul says business with friends is sticky. And he's right. I cannot ask him to put his friendship with Dusty on the line.
Mitzi: Well, then, you'd better get out your rosaries, 'cause honey, we need a miracle.

Lucinda: Listen, sweetheart -- maybe it would be better if Rose and I discussed her sanity or her lack thereof in deux way.
Mitzi: Right. What's she talkin' about?

April 1, 2003
Mitzi: Rose? I thought I saw you. What do you think?
Rose: It's -- wow, I can't even smell the dog hair anymore.
Mitzi: I know. And this way, we can really see the possibilities, you know? I was thinking we could bring in a bunch of plants, maybe one of those Chinese fountains you see in all the better Chinese restaurants. You know, the real relaxing, with the water trickling down and everything. Oh, and a couple of massage chairs. The women'll love that.
Rose: Oh, Mitz --
Mitzi: Oh, hey, listen, don't go runnin' that mascara, okay? Because there's still a lot of work to do before this is all real.

March 27, 2003
Rose: Dusty. I know. He already said that he was going to help me. He's so loaded, he's not gonna miss the money.
Mitzi: Rose -- are we talkin' about the same person here? Mr. Liplock?

March 25, 2003
Rose: "Wow" -- oh. So tell me the truth. Would you loan me a pile of money?
Mitzi: Ah. You're gorgeous. I mean, you look like that girl in "legally blonde." Except, with the blonde.
Rose: Right. So -- no. I look good, right, right? But would you give me your checkbook? Would you trust me with it?
Mitzi: I would give you money and a Mercedes.
Rose: If you had either.
Mitzi: Right.

March 12, 2003
Dusty: Why don't you tell me why you're convinced that I'm after Rose?
Mitzi: All right. I'll start with your face. Every time you talk about Rose, a little smile creeps in. And that smile makes you what we women call an open book, cowboy.

March 11, 2003
Dusty: I'm gonna tell Paul and Rose the truth, and then I'm gonna tell Rose that her best friend is an idiot.
Mitzi: Ooh, like she doesn't know that already.

Paul: Guess who just called.
Mitzi: Uh, Tommy Lee Jones.
Paul: No, Dusty.

March 10, 2003
Mitzi: I -- I mean it, Rose. I mean, if I didn't know better, I would think that you were Lily or drunk or just plain dumb! Because the Rose D'Angelo I know would have told Paul about "lusty Dusty" and his wandering lips.

Paul: You remember Dusty?
Mitzi: Who could forget Dusty.

Rose: We just ordered enough food for a football team.
Dusty: I'm starving. I'll eat it.
Mitzi: Uh, you know, I think that you ought to keep your mitts off other people's food.

Dusty: Can I ask you a question?
Mitzi: Free country. You can ask. Doesn't mean I'll answer.
Dusty: What do you think about this whole marriage thing between Rose and Paul?
Mitzi: I beg your pardon?
Dusty: Well, you know Rose better than anybody, right? I mean, what do you think she would say if Paul were to propose to her today?
Mitzi: Why? You starting a pool or something?
Dusty: No. I just don't think she's the commitment type. Know what I mean? Am I wrong? What do you think?
Mitzi: I think that you ought to keep your nose out of other people's business is what I think.
Dusty: Well, I'm only asking you because I love Paul like he's my brother. And Rose is fantastic. She's funny -- but smart and very tough.
Mitzi: And taken, Dusty. So just stay the hell away.

March 3, 2003
Mitzi: Hey.
Rose: You gotta save me.
Mitzi: From who?
Rose: No, from what. Homicide. Going to jail. Me.
Mitzi: Who ya gonna kill?
Rose: Barbara Ryan or dustpan Donovan. Either one would make my day.

February 28, 2003
Mitzi: Rose, you're thinking about this all wrong, okay? It's not the kiss and what it means, it's what it's doin' to you, okay? And, Rose, it's eatin' you up inside, okay? You're gonna have to tell Paul, if only so you can sleep at night.
Rose: You're right.
And when you're right, you're --
Mitzi: Right. I'm right.
Rose: All right, I'm gonna tell Paul.
Mitzi: Good girl.

February 10, 2003
Mitzi (to Rose): Oh boy, think I got here just in time.

June 6, 2002
Mitzi (on the Island of Avanya): Well, back when I was waitin' tables in Atlantic City, I always got the table with the high rollers. Donny Pockets used to brag about he made cigar runs to this placed called Avanya. And that's how he did it -- through Mexico City.

June 5, 2002
Mitzi (to Henry): Hey! Don't you push it, pal. I may be hopped on cold medicine, but I can still take you down!

June 4, 2002
Mitzi (to Henry): Hey, shouldn't you be under a rock or in the poky?

May 8, 2002
Mitzi (to Rose): You know, you should be a little more excited. You're actin' like we're planning a wake.

Mitzi (to Paul, trying make herself scarce): You know what I'm thinkin'? I'm thinkin' now's a good time to become a vegetarian. So you can take my burger when it comes, all right?

April 23, 2002
Mitzi (to Paul): Yo, groom! I saw your car and guess what? I heard wedding bells.

April 22, 2002
Mitzi (to Holden): I always liked being announced.

Mitzi (to Rose upon seeing her engagement ring): Oh, my God! Where are my shades? That rock is blinding me! Oh! Rose, Paul popped the question?

March 19, 2002
Mitzi (to Paul): You know Rose. I mean, once she gets somethin' in that stubborn noodle of hers there's no talkin' her out of it.

March 18, 2002
Mitzi: Yoo-hoo. Rosie -- what happened to your beautiful face?

Jack: No, I'm not worried -- I'm not worried about Carly's skin.
Mitzi: Then why do you look like you swallowed your gum?

March 13, 2002
Mitzi (to Jack, about Julia): I mean, I didn't know what that maniac was gonna do next. That was one scary head case.

March 6, 2002
Mitzi (to Simon): We're not thinkin' like crackpots, all right? If I were Miss Funny Farm, where would I stash Jack?

Simon: Mitz, if you know anything that can lead us to Rose and the others, you have to tell me.
Mitzi (about Craig): And put my eggs in that loser's basket? Forget it.

Mitzi: Well, I said all I'm gonna say.
Craig: Oh, really? Usually, we can't shut you up.
Mitzi: Listen, bub, I don't need your lip.

Mitzi: Listen, don't do Jack dirty, okay? You hurt him, I will hurt you. You don't wanna get on a Jersey girl's bad side. Tell Simon to give me a call if he gets any news about Jack.

February 28, 2002
Mitzi (to Margo and Craig): She comes in here with fire in her eyes, and she goes totally nuts. I mean, you put her in the ring with Mike Tyson, and my money is on Julia Snyder, all right? She knocked me out so cold. I thought 20 years from now you'd come in here, you'd find a red-headed skeleton sporting a straitjacket and pumps.

Craig: But he's alive, right? And lucid? Well, alive?
Mitzi: Like you care. I mean, listen, for all I know, you and that cockamamie nut job are in cahoots to destroy Jack's life.

Craig: Okay. So I want to apologize, Mitzi, for coming over the other day and trying to --
Mitzi: Getting me to prostitute myself? Listen --
Craig: Well --
Mitzi: You're not winnin' me over with some lame-o apology. Concussion or no concussion, I'm still a good judge of character.

Mitzi (trying to get Jack out of the straightjacket): All those times I fantasized about getting your clothes off, I never once imagined
Jack: Oh Mitzi, please -- she could come back any second. Just hurry up, okay?
Mitzi: I'm going as fast as I can.
Jack: Wait, wait. Wait a minute. Did you hear something?
Mitzi: Besides my heartbeat?

February 27, 2002
Mitzi: Excuse me Detective Hughes? Do you have a minute?
Craig: Actually, Mitzi, we're kind of involved here.
Mitzi: Do you hear a dog barking? Craig, listen. Fido, go sniff a fire hydrant, chase a car, bury a bone. Scram. I got business to attend to.

Margo: I'm sorry about your flowers! But why don't you leave this to the police?!
Mitzi: Because the police have been gettin' bamboozled lately, if you ask me.
Margo: I didn't ask you! Excuse me.
Mitzi: I knew this was gonna be up to me anyway. Now it is. Hang on, Jack. I'll do my best.

February 26, 2002
Mitzi (to Simon, after letting him into Jack's house): Anything for Jack. I've got keys to half the places in town.

February 20, 2002
Mitzi (to Jack): Does the fact that you're in the same position you were in when I went to bed mean that you stayed up all night?

Mitzi: You know, you're busy. I can just take a cab.
Jack: No, wait -- what? You thought I meant -- Mitzi, I shouldn't have run out of here without explaining. I arranged for you to stay at Rose's place.
Mitzi: Antler city? Really? You did that for me?
Jack: You'd be welcome there. More importantly, you'll be safe.
Mitzi: Thanks. I didn't feel right leaving without knowing what happened to Rosie. What's that Oakdale taxi number? 555-something?
Jack: Wait, wait, wait. You drive a stick, right?
Mitzi: Stick, automatic, horse and carriage.
Jack: Take my second car. It needs the exercise.
Mitzi: You're too good to be true, Jack Snyder.

February 19, 2002
Mitzi: I'm no Nancy drew, but I say when you finally hear from your best bud after he's been missing for days, things are looking' up.
Jack: Maybe.
Mitzi: Maybe schmaybe. Hal's alive, so smile, why don't ya?

Jack: Mitzi, this is -- you're incredible!
Mitzi: Yeah, yeah, that's what all the boys say.

February 18, 2002
Mitzi (to James, about Jack): And I don't think he's gonna be cleaning that basement any time soon. I mean, lately, he's been busier than a drummer with one stick.

Jack: The department may be by to sweep for bugs.
Mitzi: I haven't really seen any, just the spider in the bathtub.
Jack: Listening devices, Mitzi, listening devices.

February 15, 2002
Craig: Mitzi?
Mitzi: Mm-hmm?
Craig: As pleasant as this is, it is jack I want you to seduce.
Mitzi: Forget Jack. I have.
Craig: That's very flattering, but jack, you see, is the --
Mitzi: No, no, no.
Craig: Idea --
Mitzi: He only wants Carly. I want a man I can call my own.
Craig: Then trust me, you don't want me.
Mitzi: Oh, but I do, I do.
Craig: You're making this very -- difficult.
Mitzi: I can see that. See, I know all about guys like you. You're tall and handsome, rich, powerful -- you're never gonna settle down. I mean, why should you? There's always gonna be a another girl around the block willing to go for a ride. So what d'ya say, cowboy? Once around the block? Look at you, you're such a gentleman.
[ Laughter ]
Craig: I'm haven't often been accused of being a gentleman.
Mitzi: Look, I know you're gonna break my heart. But I'm a big girl, and I'll get over it. Besides, think of the memories.
Craig: They're flashing before my eyes. Are you sure?
Mitzi: I'm sure. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you.
Craig: You peeked. When was that?
Mitzi: The wedding at Lucinda's. I was helping out with the gifts, and you came in, I looked up, you walked across the foyer in a tux. You looked like a movie star -- and like a man. I wanted to unwrap you right there and then. So what do you say? What's wrong with a little fun on the sly?
Craig: Not a thing. I'm sure.

Mitzi: Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Craig: You could've fooled me.
Mitzi: You're a smart man, aren't you, Craig?
Craig: Most of the time.
Mitzi: Well, then you can figure this one out.
Craig: Give us a hint.
Mitzi: Lesson number one -- you can only seduce a man who's willing.
Craig: Or a woman.
Mitzi: My point being that Jack, who you wanted me to seduce, would never have gone for this, because he's true to Carly. Whereas you --
Craig: Mitzi, Mitzi, Mitzi, are you trying to give me a lecture on morality?
Mitzi: On women, Craig, and what's important to them.
Craig: Oh, I think I know how to make a woman happy.
Mitzi: That's only part of it, sweetheart. You see, a woman, especially if she's been made happy in that way, wants to make sure that her man isn't spreading the joy -- so to speak. She wants to know that he wants her and only her.
Craig: And does a man have a right to expect that his woman isn't, say, strutting her stuff in Atlantic city?
Mitzi: I'm not a dancer. I was a cocktail waitress. But if I was a dancer, I wouldn't be ashamed of it. Dancing is an art.
Craig: Oh, I support the arts, mitzi, I do. Let me count the ways.
Mitzi: My advice to you is don't count -- on anything.
Craig: So this martini we just had on the sofa -- this was you instructing me in the finer points of courtship?
Mitzi: This was me sending you a message. Lay off Jack. He's not like you. When he loves, it's all the way.
Craig: Then why are you wasting your time? If he's all the way for Carly, then you haven't a chance.
Mitzi: Jack and I are just friends. [ Craig laughs ] you wouldn't understand.
Craig: Well, I hope your friend appreciates your defending his honor. A grueling ordeal -- the reluctancy.
Mitzi: Don't flatter yourself.
Craig: Oh, I think I know when a woman is willing. Mitzi, you're willing.
Mitzi: You just don't give up, do you?
Craig: You started.
Mitzi: Oh, no, no,. Excuse me, Mr. Pants on fire, you started this when you asked me to seduce jack. Who, by the way, would have said, "thanks, but no thanks," 'cause he's a gentleman, unlike you.
Craig: And when was the last time a gentleman made your earlobes hot?
Mitzi: St -- stop it.
Craig: Why? Why? Why, aren't you thinking to yourself that maybe, just maybe, this might be worth it? Because after all, Mitzi, you have made your point. I'm not jack. You're right. I'm not. I'm here. Gotcha.
Mitzi: Oh, you rat!
Craig: You cheese.
Mitzi: I'm gonna tell Jack what you did.
Craig: Are you gonna tell him you liked it?
Mitzi: I'm gonna tell him you wanted me to seduce him.
Craig: If you think that'll work.
Mitzi: Ugh!
Craig: Hey, hey, hey, don't tease a tiger, baby.
Mitzi: Unless you got him by the tail. And I got you by the tail, Montgomery.
Craig: How I wish.
Mitzi: Yeah? Well, be careful what you wish for, because guess what? When Carly gets back, I'm gonna tell her what you did.
Craig: When Carly's finally rescued, do you really think she'll care that you threw yourself at me to make a point?
Mitzi: I guess we'll find out.
Craig: She'll laugh.
Mitzi: Then she doesn't really care about you.
Craig: She'll recognize it for what it was -- a weak ploy.
Mitzi: And if I slept with jack, do you think that she'd laugh then? See, that's what's eaten' you -- that he has a heart while you have to settle for spiking' her pulse.
Craig: So I'm just a sex object?
Mitzi: You've your talents in that department, there's no question.
Craig: You're too kind.
Mitzi: But a woman needs more. And this woman needs you to exit, stage left.
Craig: Well, I enjoyed our time together, mitzi.
Mitzi: I got talents of my own.
Craig: Yes, you do. Just don't overestimate them. Why is it that no one in this town wants Carly and me to be together?
Mitzi: 'Cause you're a louse!
Craig: Hey, nosey, that was rhetorical!

Jack: No way. You are amazing. Thank you. You're such a lifesaver! I really appreciate this.
Mitzi: Anything for you, Jack.


February 13, 2002
Mitzi (to Craig): Ah. You again. Minus the cuffs. You on the lam? I wouldn't recommend callin' on a cop if that's the case.

Craig: So, why don't we talk inside.
Mitzi: You tryin' to get your nose under my tent?

Mitzi (to Craig): Jack's a catch. He's handsome, brave, generous -- and just my luck, he's in love with Carly Tenney.

Mitzi: Remember when I said that I knew all about you and it was all bad? I lied. Oh, I know all about you, I made it my business to know. Because it's not Jack I want. It's you.
Craig: You want me?
Mitzi: Uh-huh.
Craig: Don't kid a kidder, Mitzi.
Mitzi: I'm not. Women talk, Craig. Especially in this town.
Craig: Yeah.
Mitzi: And your name kept comin' up. And I had to ask myself -- with all the lousy, rotten things you've done why they all keep beatin' a path to your door? And then I figured it out. Good things come in big packages.

February 12, 2002
Craig: You see the ingratitude here, Mitzi? I get myself entombed in a coffin, I bring back key information for my partner, and what do I get but threats?
Mitzi: You're breaking my heart.

Mitzi: Je parle francais, Jack.
Jack: Mais oui. Feel like taking a ride?
Mitzi: Oui oui. Porquoi pas?

February 11, 2002
Mitzi (looking through Jack's desk drawer): It doesn't sound like you. You got everything else in here. Bullets, breath mints --- holy cow! What do you use this thing for?

Mitzi: Clutter, right? So you can hardly move? You know, I read someplace that that's a guy's subconscious attempt to re-create the close environment of the womb.
Jack: I could have gone all day without hearing that.
Mitzi: Obviously, you don't subscribe to the right magazines.

Mitzi (after cleaning up Jack's house): I think something growled at me from inside the refrigerator.

Mitzi (after Jack finds his missing magazine): Oh. Whew. For a minute there I thought you were gonna toss me out on my feather duster.

February 8, 2002
Mitzi: Well, you got me confused with somebody who belongs here. Look, I'm sorry to be a pest. Look, if I had the money for a bus ticket home, I would get out of the way.
Lucy: No. I could loan you some.
Mitzi: Thanks, but if you did, and ms. Walsh found out, I would be staying for dinner -- as chopped meat.

Mitzi: You know what we say in Jersey? "When you can't change your life, change your hair."

Mitzi: Yeah, well, if I cried every time something good came to an end, I'd have permanent tear tracks running down my cheeks. What happened to you?

February 6, 2002
Mitzi (to Lily): No self-respecting showgirl would let her mistletoe go limp.

January 29, 2002
Mitzi (to Jack): Look, I know it's late and you're busy saving the world from crime, but I was hoping it wouldn't kill you to talk to a civilian for a minute or two.

Mitzi: Oh, I don't need one. I know exactly who it is. Barbara Ryan. And I would bet my last nickel on it.
Jack: Well, what makes you say that?
Mitzi: Well, she never liked Rose. And the way I feel about her, she's lucky I'm not a cop or a different kind of person 'cause I would do whatever it took to make her talk.

Jack: Well, you're right. I think we're both lucky you're not a different type of person, because I'd have to arrest you. And there's nothing I hate more than arresting friends.
Mitzi: It'd be worth it, though. If I could get Barbara Ryan in a dark alley for one minute, she'd be toast. Hey, I'm tougher than I look.

January 11, 2002
Mitzi: I know. I know. The thing of it is -- Rose is the first and only best friend I ever had. And not knowing what happened to her is making me a little crazy. I keep watching these TV shows, you know, dramatic reenactments about missing people, 800 numbers you can call.
Jack: Mitzi, you shouldn't watch that kind of stuff.
Mitzi: But they find people, you know? With Rose, I mean -- a person doesn't just disappear without a trace. You know, even back in Jersey, they found missing people, you know? Even the guys that they threw in the -- with the cement shoes. I just -- I just miss her so much.

January 8, 2002
Mitzi (to Paul): Well, it wasn't just anyone. It was your mother. She came right after you left, waving Rose's arrest record in her face, telling her that if she didn't break up with you on the spot, she was gonna go public with the whole solicitation thing.


Mitzi's Best Lines from 2000 - 2001