Mitzi's Best Lines of the Day 2000 - 2001


December 27, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose): Barbara Ryan, the queen of the blood-sucking night-flying vampires?

Mitzi (to Rose): If that's Santa Claus getting a head start on next year's "naughty and nice" list, you and me are going in column "A."

December 20, 2001
Mitzi (to Paul): Oh, you don't have to worry about keeping our little chat a secret. Rose knows. This is so romantic! Now, I gotta get back to Ms. Walsh's. If I'm not back on the dot, she locks up the place and I'll wind up campin' out with the gatekeeper. Bye, you two.

December 19, 2001
Mitzi: Well, mama, get ready to smooch on ole Santa Claus.
Rose: Mommy should know you shouldn't kiss the guy who comes around once a year and has a missus at home.
Mitzi: Oh? Who dumped on your holiday cheer?
Rose: Who do you think?
Mitzi: Oh, Rose, I'm sorry. You know, I know I shoulda kept my big mouth shut, but I just couldn't let that loser stick a needle in the eye of true love.

Mitzi: Are you sure? Because I don't mind casin' a few places.
Rose: Yeah, I know, but no, I'm gonna do it. I gotta do it myself so I can kick him in the can if he gives me any lip.
Mitzi: Four feet are better than two.
Rose: I'll let you know if I need your help.
Mitzi: I'll sharpen my boots.

December 18, 2001
Mitzi (to Paul): Well, I've had my not-so-hot days, too. All right? So what do you say we bore the heck out of each other for breakfast? There's something you gotta know. Rose loves you, okay. And it's not that everyday kinda love, there, all right? Love like this comes around once in a girl's lifetime, and that's only if she's got the luck of the Irish, the Polish, and the whole United Nations, you know? So next time you get yourself worked up into a lather about the likes of Vince O'Malley or anything else that Rose left behind, remember this -- yours is the name she says a hundred times a day, you're the one she's wild about, you're the one who changed everything. You are the love of Rose's life!

Mitzi: Do you know, like, nothing about women?
Paul: Less and less every day.
Mitzi: Well, would it surprise you to learn that a whole heckuva lotta 'em end up with guys they're not head-over-heels for? Paul: Probably not.
Mitzi: Well, take it from me. It's true. You settle. You learn to look past a guy's bad manners and try to find something to love. Because as bad as he might be, it might be your last chance at anything that even looks like love. The lucky ones? The ones who find the mate that fate created for them? Well, those girls are few and far between. You made Rose one of the lucky ones, Paul. You can't take that away from her now.

Paul: What am I supposed to think, Mitzi?
Mitzi: You know what I think? I think you're acting like a real brain donor!

December 14, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, who answers the door holding a baseball bat): Whoa! You taking batting practice now?

December 13, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose): Okay. Do me a favor, all right? Enjoy your life. You have a great job, a great house, a great guy and me to cheer you on.

December 7, 2001
Mitzi (on Vince O'Malley): How did he find you? Wait a minute -- and how did he afford three dozen roses? The last time I saw him, he couldn't afford a dead carnation.

December 4, 2001
Mitzi: What is it with guys and sports, huh?
Jack: What do you mean?
Mitzi: Saying what you really feel gives you chest pains, so you turn everything into smacking little balls around?

Mitzi (on Craig Montgomery): That lip-smacking, scarecrow-like phony with the Bart Simpson hairdo?

November 21, 2001
Mitzi (to Billy, on differing opinions): I guess that's why the crayon box has all those colors.

November 20, 2001
Rose: I smell trouble, Mitz.
Mitzi: Yeah, you know, you're right. I don't know how these gigs run, but something's fishier than Ninth Street.

November 19, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose): Whoa, wait, back the truck up, okay, 'cause you gotta give me some more details.

Mitzi (to Rose on the clothes at the fashion show): Forget diamonds. These clothes are a girl's best friend. Kinda like Paul.

November 7, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, on the models at Java Underground): I never saw such a pack of broomsticks in my life. What do these girls eat? Birdseed?

Mitzi (to Jack, who walks into the fashion show rehearsal): Are you gonna judge the cattle call for Barbara Ryan Originals?

Mitzi (to Rose, about Barbara Ryan): Well, that lady is an itch with a capital "B."

November 6, 2001
Mitzi: The coast is clear. Why the swan dive?
Rose: He said the "L" word.
Mitzi: Limousine?

Mitzi (with Jack, to the waitress at Al's Diner): Yo, Garcon! Another cup of Joe for the gentleman and a diet cola for his friend -- with a capital "F."

November 5, 2001
Rose: You're doing a great job, Mitz. Could be a new career.
Mitzi: Funeral parties?
Rose: No, catering -- catering. Don't think I didn't notice the creases on those napkins.

October 31, 2001
Rose: Have you ever done something that you wish you could just -- you know, just erase.
Mitzi: Yeah. Unfortunately, the pencil of life does not come with an eraser.

October 26, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, on her new job): You are somethin' else, Rose. You went from the boardwalk to the boardroom in one giant leap.

October 23, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, on her "coolness"): Yeah, as cool as Joe "bag of doughnuts" back in Atlantic City.

October 11, 2001
Mitzi: I never would've thought to look under the sink . What's that you just poured in there?
Jack: Kerosene.
Mitzi: Smells like a dry cleaner in August. Ooh.

Mitzi (to Jack): Who says you and me have to be Romeo and Juliet? I mean, we could just hang out, have a few laughs. I've never been anybody's one and only. That's just the way it is.

October 10, 2001
Mitzi (to Jack, about James Stenbeck): This guy sounds kinda spooky, Jack. Like -- like one of those guys from a horror movie who won't quit no matter what you do to him.

Mitzi (to Jack, on making mistakes): So you made a mistake. Welcome to bein' a person.

October 5, 2001
Mitzi (to Jack, who throws open the door with his gun drawn): Please, don't shoot! Please, it's me, Mitzi Matters! I've got lousy insurance!

Mitzi: Talk about exciting. I mean, it was like a movie. There I am, the innocent bystander. I give the handsome detective the final clue. He figures out that Mr. Ponytail is really the bad guy in disguise, and just when things get really hairy -- point of no return -- he pops out of nowhere and, boy! I mean, who'd of thunk it?
Jack: Thunk what?
Mitzi: That I'd come all the way to Oakdale, Illinois, and share lobster puffs with a real, live hero.

October 4, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose): It's no big deal, Rose. It's already been put to bed. Speaking of which, I got a feeling Jack Snyder's beginning to take notice.

October 3, 2001
Jack (about the "dead" guy in Lucinda's guesthouse): Did you check his pulse?
Mitzi: Touch a stiff? No, thank you!

Mitzi (to an upset Rose): What's the matter, Rose? You look like somebody sneezed on your wedding cake.

October 2, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose): Honey, this is nothin' but scenery, okay? You wanna match it? Match it. All right? Change your costume. Play a part. You always wanted to be an actress, right? Now's your chance. All right? But do me a favor, okay? Don't go changing who you are, 'cause you, Rose, are an original.

Mitzi (on Dante, the waiter): He's Italian. Like, from Italy. You know, like-a the real-a thing.

Jack: You're sure this guy spoke to you in Italian?
Mitzi: "Scusi, Signorina. Mi dispiace." You spend enough time with Rose D'Angelo, you know Italian when you hear it.

September 28, 2001
Mitzi (to Jake and he dips Molly while dancing): Hey, you give chips with that dip?

September 27, 2001
Mitzi (to Bonnie, about hiding in the cake): Oh. Listen, you better tell Isaac to get the show on the road, or I don't think my bladder's gonna make it. I'd like to see him try to climb in here with high heels.

September 26, 2001
Mitzi (on Java Underground): Looks like one of those places where some wise guy gets shot down in a hail of gunfire.

Mitzi (on jumping out of the cake at Jake's bachelor party): I'll do it! I'll do it! I mean, I've got legs! And, okay, so I didn't headline at the boardwalk hotel and casino, but I can dance! Boy, can I! Just put me in something with some sparkle and pizazz, and I will dance the lights out!

Mitzi (on jumping out of the cake at Jake's bachelor party): But the bachelor -- he's not some kinda freak, right? You know, six hands, bad manners, no respect for ladies?

September 20, 2001
Mitzi (on the Walsh mansion): I didn't even know pantries had butlers.

Mitzi (to Rose): Look at you, Rose! When I left last year, you were a whatcha call it -- persona non gracias. I took bets in Atlantic City that you would be back in the kick line by Thanksgiving.

Mitzi (to Rose, on praying to St. Jude): The Patron Saint of lost causes. He's a favorite in Atlantic City.

Mitzi (to Lucinda): It's Mitzi. With a "Z."

Mitzi (accepting Lucinda's apology): Don't sweat it. Okay? Look, we all lose it sometimes. I once threw a cheatin' boyfriend off a balcony in Vegas.

September 4, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, on her birthday surprise): 'Cause it's not like you're obligated or nothing just 'cause everybody came all the way out to cow country to celebrate the fantastic occasion our birth.

August 31, 2001
Mitzi (to Rose, upon surprising her on her birthday): I decided to come all the way back to Jokedale -- just kidding -- I came all the way back to make sure you had a birthday you'd never forget. Say something, Rose!

Mitzi (to Rose, on what the birthday surprise group has been doing): First, we checked all the hot spots in town -- both of them.

Mitzi (to Rose, on dancing): Like riding a bicycle, baby. Isn't that what she always told you guys after every vacation?




Mitzi's Best Lines of the Day (from her first run in 2000)

Click here to read a synopsis of Mitzi's first day on As The World Turns

April 28, 2000
Mitzi (to Rose, about Lily): Sorry, Rose. Looks like that Snyder lady's a big, fat no-show. Speaking of big, your hair --


Mitzi, excited about possibly getting a gig as an actress, on her career goals:
"Rose, you know that I've always wanted more than waitin' tables and zippin' gowns."


Memborable Mitzi lines about Lily:
"You know, it's not like ya know her good, right? These mousey broads, they hit Atlantic City, they go bazoobies. Lily coulda got lucky, in a whole lotta ways."

"Well, meanwhile, she's like a walkin' plea for a major makeover."

"Maybe she got, like, a show biz phobia or somethin'. You know, and got scared off. Or maybe she got caught up in all the flashy lights and lost her entire inheritance at the baccarat table."


Mitzi, on the customers in the show bar:
"Why do we even bother with napkins -- most of 'em would be happy using their sleeves."


Mitzi, to Simon:
"Classy accent for a mugger."

"I'm vertically challenged. Too short. At least, that's what Blumstein says, anyway. He's the manager."

(after Simon says he gives her a phony card that says "Stan Feld, agent") "Stan Feld, agent. What kind of agent? Secret? Real estate? Insurance?"



Mitzi Matters Profile

Best Lines of the Day from 2002 - 2003






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